home. puking in laundry basket.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
