We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
