ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
