Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think I died a long time ago.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
