Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
