ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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