theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
