she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
