dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
