What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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