ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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