i already hear my dad disowning me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
