well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
