I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How naked do you want me to be?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
