Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
