Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
