PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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