I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
