I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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