Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
