Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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