If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
