Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
