my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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