nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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