I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My liver just had a heart attack.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
