my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
