Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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