My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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