I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize