Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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