shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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