Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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