just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
