i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
