Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My life is pants optional.
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