I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
