That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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