Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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