Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if only i could text you this smell
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
