I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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