That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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