That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
