Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
