I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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