I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize