Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
