the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
