White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
