when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
