the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
should my penis look like a turkey
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
