The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
