yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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