I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
