Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Boobs speak an international language.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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