I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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