I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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